Friday Phrasings & Second POV


For this Friday Phrases, I decided to test out using second person narrative in micro fiction. I cannot say it’s a point of view I consider often. It seems kind of natural to do, but simultaneously awkward. It resulted in a series of Tweets, but here it is all together.

You stare in the mirror, refocusing your eyes. Sweat from outside maps paths down your face. Is this person on the prowl?
You ponder & head back out into the night. In the middle of September it shouldn’t be over 90 degrees nor this muggy.
A passing glance catches her approaching. She smiles as if she’s a reincarnated 20 year old Lauren Bacall.
Hello, is what you want to say, but only silence hangs in the air. You pass each other. She looks back. The moment lost.

I was aiming for each snippet as a stand alone Tweet, and I think it worked. I have presented the lines  in the way they appeared for Twitter. I also did another haiku as I find those a fun and interesting way to convey things with obvious limitations.

Oh sultry evenings
Long for Canadian cold
Next time I’ll stay there

I may toy around more with second person in micro or flash fiction, and see what I really think of it.
What are your thoughts on this tricky narrative? If you have any or references, please feel free to leave them via comments 🙂

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3 comments

  1. You don’t normally see that POV! I like what you’ve done! It’s kind of intimate and almost a little meta. It feels a bit unusual for me as a reader to be addressed if it isn’t an article, but I like it! And great “sultry” entry! I love this chilly fall.

    Take care!

    Larysia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Larysia, I really appreciate it 😀 Very true, I’m not sure if I find it unusual when I come across it, but maybe that’s a result of narcissist tendencies *chuckles* But I do see how it could be. I will have to keep testing it out.
      You too!
      ~L.A.

      Like

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